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Thursday, July 15, 2010

The birthday that has snuck up on me....

I can hardly believe Livi will be a YEAR old at the end of this month.  In just a few short weeks, it will have been twelve months that she has been on this planet.....which is unfathomable to me.  A year ago right now I was uncomfortable, sweaty, and hoping my doctor would say I could deliver earlier.  The hottest summer on record is not the best time to be carrying extra poundage, friends!
To celebrate the tiny one's birthday, I have learned to scale back on the first year's party and save the fireworks (literally) for year two or three when they actually understand what is going on.  This time we are just having family over for pizza, and keeping it low key as possible.  (Although I will probably not be able to contain myself, and something hand made will probably be frantically assembled at 12:45 the night before her little shindig)
As I worked on designing her little invite (I had to send SOMETHING so she would have an "invitation" for her baby book!)  I found this letter in my documents folder.  I wrote this when she was just weeks old for her baby I read it, I miss those days of baby tininess, and wonder how I will feel if I really, REALLY make myself confront the fact that that was probably my last go round at caring for an infant.

Dear Livi,
As I sit down to write you a letter for your baby book, I am filled with so many ideas, words and phrases I want to use.  There is so much I hope and pray for you, and you are only a tiny little 12 week old human.  There is no way to smash all of my hopes for you onto one little page....
you are our third baby, but sometimes when I hold you and look at you I am so filled with wonder and awe that I can hardly believe I have done this twice before!  You are so much like your brother and sister, but in the same way you are COMPLETELY your own little miraculous self.  Even as I write this, you are sitting on my lap, squirming and smiling up at me, crinkling your beautiful blue eyes.  I want so many things for you in this life....I pray that you love and follow God.  I want you to be kind and loving to others.  I hope you are fun loving, and filled with a sense of adventure and wonder, always having a sense of humor about things.  I pray you look out for the underdog, and have enough confidence to march to the beat of your own drum.  I already know you'll be look at me with wise little eyes when I speak to you, and you try so hard to say something to me.  One day, I hope you'll say everything to me....I hope you will feel like you can tell me anything, and that you never fear for what I will say or think, but understand that I will love you unconditionally and there is nothing you could ever say or do to change that!  Some day I hope you will even call me friend.  I pray you will always be a friend to others, try your hardest, never give up, trust in yourself. I hope you understand how much you were loved and wanted, and that you have a family someday that you will love as much as I love mine.   You are just a tiny little thing now, all belly and soft skin and peach fuzz head....but you are already the whole world to me!.  It is amazing how much magic you have brought to this  that already felt pretty magical before you got here.  What did we do before you?  I can hardly remember.  You are our precious miracle and I will love you forever and ever.  
Love, Mommy

Livi is so full of life and smiles.....and she makes me laugh all the time!  Last week, she learned how to say "Sissy"....she can walk holding onto two hands, and today we tried only one hand but she didn't like that and kept grabbing for my skirt.  Walking alone is still probably awhile away!  If you ask her "Where's Mommy?" or any other member of our family, she looks at the right person.  She is right in the middle of the "putting-everything-I-find-on-the-floor-into-my-mouth" phase, which makes for a busy mommy!  She has started eating more and more little pieces of cut up food, and she seems to like almost everything we've given her.  When she's had enough to eat, she smashes her eyes shut, shakes her head no, and waves her arm in front of her face (I guess just so that we're REALLY sure she's done!)  She rubs her eyes or plays with her ears when she is tired, and loves her naps.  She is still in the infant carrier and her legs almost hang over the edge, but only because her parents haven't done the old switcharoo on the carseats yet.  If you ask her to make a "stinky face" or blink at you she will, and she knows she's being funny, too-because when we laugh she smiles so big and looks so satisfied, as if she's thinking "That's right; LAUGH.  I'm funny, people!"  If this has to be my last baby, then I'd say I ended with a good one....she is perfect, and we are so lucky to have her!


Alison said...

I LOVE your letter to Livi. She is one lucky and loved little girl and it is so wonderful that she will always know that. :-)