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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Some more Liv....

I'm a little tiny bit sad...coming to grips with the fact that this will probably be my last baby.  (At least if I want to keep having babies with the same man...)  I don't know why I am so melancholy about this.  It's not like having another baby would make my life EASIER, after all.  And I'm no saint about being pregnant either....I'm either holding back throw up or lumbering around complaining that my skeleton hurts.  (There IS a honeymoon period in there in the middle somewhere...but I estimate that it lasts about six days.)  I just love this little tiny one so much, and the idea of NOT making another human I love is sad.  I am so excited about all the new things she is learning and doing, but I can't help but be a little depressed that it's going by so fast.  I want to love on her all the time and drink it all in....her fat little baby tummy, her little tiny hands, her little toothless gums, the way her little neck smells.  Sigh.  I mean, you can't just keep having babies forever, right?  That is, unless you want to get your own show on TLC, which I am not trying to do.  I look at the twins and already can't remember what they were like at Livi's age....It's hard to recall what their little cries sounded like, or the faces they made....and it was only two years ago!  So, during this season of my life, I choose to be grateful.  I choose to find joy in these babies.  Even when they talk back to me, or smell like pee.  Even when they show no interest in using the toilet.  Especially when they wake up all the time, or need me to feed them, because these things go away so fast....and before I know it they will all be gone.  I will be joyful about this job of mine, because I know someday I am going to desperately want it back.