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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

With less than 48 hours left to go in this pregnancy (gasp!) I am having some conflicting emotions.....For one, I can't BELIEVE it is almost over....it's funny how a pregnancy can seem to take forever and fly by at the same time.  I am ready to NOT be pregnant in sweltering heat.....but I am nervous about the c-section....(I think knowing what to expect makes it a little worse, not better!)
I will NOT miss:
-being huge in 113 degree heat
-getting up ten times a night to pee (I don't remember doing this last time!  Maybe this baby is sitting right on my bladder or something)
-having a hard time playing with my kids (getting on the floor, getting back up off the floor, lifting them from the bathtub, etc.)
-not being able to paint my own toenails.
-HEARTBURN....WAYYYYY worse this time, which I totally don't understand!
-being uncomfortable while trying to sleep (now I KNOW this part was worse last time, but it's still no piece of cake trying to get comfortable)
On the flip side, I will miss:
-eating what I want, for the most part. ;)
-wearing stretchy pants.
-feeling a baby move inside me.
-anticipating the arrival of another member of our family.
-being a family of four...although I know I will love being a family of five, too! 
-sleeping (uninterrupted) until nine thirty in the morning!  
-having a "schedule"....
-being able to go places by myself....

It's funny how conflicted I feel....I know I will be more than a little sad when this is over, because it is 99.9% decided that this is our last baby.  (a fact my husband reminds me of when I complain of heartburn, contractions, etc...) I sort of feel like we sped through the "building a family" portion of marriage....we didn't get married early, so we got started right away having kids....then we got two at once....then we got another one right away....I guess I had them all so close together that the feeling of "being done" or "enough kids" hasn't caught up with me yet.  Rationally, I know three kids is "enough" for us....it just feels so FINAL to say we are done for sure.  My doctor asked me a few weeks ago if I was going to want her to tie my tubes during the surgery, and we told her no.  (Even Shawn!) Although we are probably done, the act of "tube tying" feels too final, too sad...and all of this emotion about "being done" is really hilarious given how much I am looking forward to getting this baby out of my body!!  It's just a really complex situation....I have lots of friends who say that I will "just know" when I am really, REALLY ready to close the door on having babies...I hope I have a feeling that telling, and SURE.  I can't imagine spending the next ten years wondering if I still want another one....too unsettling!
For now, I am going to try to focus on Thursday....the excitement of hearing her cry for the first time, getting to hold and inspect her.....deciding who she looks like in our family, getting the c-section OVER WITH, showing her off to all our family and friends....I can't believe it's almost here!!!!  

2 comments:

natalie said...

nicole,
rest assured that this time will be so different from the last...in ways you and i can't even fathom. i've THOROUGHLY enjoyed the differences in the kids and my marriage. our marriage is so much stronger with em than with zu, and i've often that it was because we rushed into kids. the 2nd time around just puts things into perspective.
this baby is blessed...and a blessing! what great fun it'll be to meet her! (i don't know if i'll ever get over showing em off!)
the c will go just fine! i'll be praying for you!
happy babyday!

Jenn and Jason said...

I'm so excited for you and can't believe it's already here! I'll be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts! Good luck and post pics of that beautiful little girl as soon as you can ... I can't wait to see her. It's going to be so much fun to introduce her to Hayden and Cale. Enjoy your special moment!