Five years! Has it really been five years that I've been doing this? I'm no expert, but I'm surely a lot better at this than I was five years ago....me and these three tiny humans learned together. I didn't know what I was doing when I brought two tiny babies home from the hospital (one with her legs up by her head in the car seat because we didn't know how to strap them in yet).....and I was only marginally better at mothering when we brought home Livi...
but I know now this mothering thing isn't about being perfect.
Because if it was, I would really, really stink at it.
But wouldn't we all?
I mean really, who is doing this mothering thing so well that they go to bed thinking, "Man, I really knocked it out of the park today! I am pretty much the world's best mother!"
I know I don't....ever.
Lots of nights I lay in bed and feel like I didn't do enough...
I remember how I spoke harshly, or didn't have enough patience, or hurried someone through their story and into bed, and I wish I could get a "do over".
And although you can't "do-over" your mistakes, you can learn from them and get a little bit better each time.
I think I've gotten easier on myself.
I know I can be impatient, (especially by the time 5 p.m. rolls around and I've broken up the 12th fight of the day) but I know no one could ever love my kids exactly the way I do.
I know my kids know I'm not perfect, but I know they know how loved they are.
I know they think their Mommy thinks they are smart, funny and lovable...and loves them best of all.
So even though I'm not perfect at this thing called mothering, and it's BY FAR the hardest thing I've ever done, EVER...
I'm so grateful I get the chance to do it.
I remember when I was pregnant with the twins, and a friend's mother gave me card and in it she wrote, "Think how special God must believe you are that He trusted you with the job of mothering not one, but TWO babies."...and I was so grateful for that sweet sentiment. It wasn't about "Good Luck: You're going to need it." or "How are you going to HANDLE two babies???" but "WOW. You are going to be amazing at this, and God knows it."
Not that it meant I was always going to do the best job, but that whatever job I did, it was going to be enough, because God believed in me enough to give me these sweet gifts....
allowing me to be someone's MOTHER.
Even though it means getting pooped on, peed on, barfed on, embarrassed in the grocery store, kicked in the face while you're sleeping, yelled at and it ruins the stomach that used to look good in a bikini, etc....
it's still the best thing ever.
Isn't that funny?
No matter how good you think you have it, becoming a mother makes all that other stuff completely insignificant. None of it matters anymore except them...
Are they healthy?
Are they making friends?
Is someone (God Forbid, because I'm coming after them) being mean to them?
So today I'm grateful for three feisty, precocious, creative, interesting, smart, thoughtful, hilarious, loving, tender hearted, brave, healthy children.....and grateful that I get to call myself their mother.
They are absolutely the best thing I never knew I'd be lucky enough to call my own, and I'll take a kick in the face any day to get to keep doing it...
All I have to do is look back through these sweet pictures to remember how fleeting it is....it was yesterday that we brought the twins home, and now they're five! FIVE. How did this happen?
It speeds by like lightning, and someday I will MISS tiny bodies taking up my sleeping space, three tiny people clamoring for more milk, another spoon (while my dinner sits getting cold.) I will miss potty training (did I just say that??) and miss being woken up when it's barely light outside by a tiny girl who can barely see over my mattress and is standing in the dark eating a can of pringles next to my bed....
so today, during this season of my life, I will be grateful for this, for this job God's given me...
grateful for ALL of it, everyday....
I will leave my floors dirty to spend 2 hours putting together a Lego Ice Cream shop with my girls.
I will ignore laundry to sit at the table with Cale and help him spell as he writes "tickets" for us all for doing something wrong.
I will take my kids to the park when I really just want to watch HGTV and let them play here....
because I'm so glad I get to be their Mommy....
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