Ugh.

Who thinks it's a good idea to kick a 32 ounce glass of ice water over UNDER your desk, saturating all your power cords?  No one?  Anyone?  Okay, I guess it's just me then.
I am not sure why I put my ice water on the floor next to me while sewing this morning, but I did.  This ranks right up there with some of my most brilliant ideas (i.e. getting another dog when we were first married to "keep the other one" company, driving across the state in the middle of the night in college...)

So I kicked the water over.  It gushed straight to the pile of power cords, and amidst some four letter expletives on my part, it was immediately soaked up with a towel I grabbed out of my "things to monogram" basket.  (which might still get monogrammed.....I didn't kick over a big red, people!)
Of course, my bag full of camera equipment was on the floor right next to the ocean of spilled water and THAT was my first priority....luckily it is unscathed.  As far as the power cords and computer, nothing has popped or burst into flames yet so that's a good sign.

All of this is rambling irrelevance, I know.  It just seems like a fitting thing to happen after the last twenty four hours.
I got called "mean mommy" and asked "why are you so mean to me?" complete with watery, pathetic eyes.....and then I did what no mom should EVER do....I collapsed internally.  Seriously?  MEAN MOMMY?  Child, have you SEEN what carrying you did to my stomach??  Do you know how hard it is for me to go day after day with no naptime for myself?  (If you are smirking at that comment, you clearly have very little understanding of my near medical need for daily sleep.  It's true.)
So holding your child to some kind of standard, following through, requiring obedience the first (as opposed to 487th) time I ask is some kind of torture equivalent to water boarding.  I'm the Kim Jon Il of stay at home parenting.....
After Shawn got home twelve seconds before I literally exploded, I ranted on how I can see where people get to the point where they don't discipline their kids.  It's easier.  WAY easier.  So what that they are running around a Mexican restaurant while other diners try in vain to remove their own eyeballs with a fork?  Who cares?  Actually making them obey you and sit would require follow through, which in itself is akin to waterboarding.  It makes me tired, it makes all of us tired, and to those parents in a Mexican restaurant with screaming banshees for offspring, I get it.  I know how you got to where you're at.  I KNOW how you got to the point where you've given up.  I see the path....I'm just not going to go down it.  I refuse to.
And that is why I was almost in a fetal position yesterday when he got home.  I refuse to give in and let them go down that path that ends in me getting dirty looks from other people in public...and standing up against two three year olds is tiring.  I don't need a marathon to test my endurance.  I just need a day alone with these two adorable creatures I made with my own body.
Let's be clear on this:  I want them to obey and behave for reasons vastly greater than avoidance of public humiliation, but anyone that acts like that doesn't bother them is lying just a little.
Last night there was some discussion with the husband about not giving in and staying the course...blah, blah, blah.  Mainly it was words coming out of my own mouth to reassure myself that I am not ruining their lives or making them hate me....which made me feel a tiny bit better.  Throw in a few "What the hell is WRONG with them???" comments and you get a pretty good picture of our discussion.

Cut to our discussion at bed time.
Me:  "Sis, when Mommy got upset earlier, did I scare you?"
Sis: "Yeah."
Me: "Well, Mommy was upset that you weren't obeying and I got angry and I am sorry for that.  Mommies make mistakes too, and I didn't mean to scare you."
Sis: "That's okay Mommy.  I'm not mad at you anymore."
Hmmm.  Okay.
When did she turn sixteen, exactly?
So all was settled with some snuggling and her requests for some "baby stories"....
Which closed the door on THAT horrible day and left me almost feeling ready to start fresh and REALLY do it right the next day.  REALLY discipline lovingly and patiently and not holler just because it DOES get a reaction after being ignored for twelve straight requests.
So we are off to a much better start to the morning......
that is, if I can manage NOT to burn our house down.